So you want to be an Occultist?

Details are transcribed as per videotape that was recovered from scene. This was an interview between Mrs C Harwood a career adviser and training specialist, and Mr D Block a client of Mrs Harwood.

So Mr Block you’re here to talk to me about your career and the possibility of retraining, is that correct?


So would you like to tell me what it is you currently do? The details you told me on the phone were a bit vague.

I’m an occultist.


An Occultist.

Eh but you state that you are currently employed by the technology company [Redacted] surely, they don’t have an occult is division. [Interviewer laughs]

No, I work for [Redacted] in technical support to pay my bills but it’s not really covering my costs for what I consider to be my real job.

Does working as an occultist not pay very well? Can’t you just magic up some gold or something? [there is mirth in the interviewers’ voice]

Not really. It’s not like I can advertise to get clients. Plus, when I do get a decent paying job it normally ends up as a pro bono because I’ve inadvertently saved the world. Also, there’s a lot of operating costs that go with it.

Really? Such as?

Well I need a room to sleep and a room to work. It’s best to keep these things separate. Do you know how much the rent is on a two-bedroom flat in this town?

[Interviewer nods]

Then the books. They cost a fortune. Plus, you need to have appropriate storage since some of them are so old. I ended up taking a rare books course just to ensure that I could do things right.
Also other materials, some of them are so rare and difficult to get your hands on. [Mr Block sighs]

It sounds like it’s taken up a lot of time.

[Mr Block nods]

Yep, I usually do my shift and then I’m up until all hours reading or putting together workings. If I’m lucky at [Redacted] and it’s quiet I can get some stuff done but mostly I’ll be working out formulae and then a call comes through. It’s a pain in the ass and it’s not really helped with my social life.

How so?

Having a daemon stalk you to the pub on a night out really doesn’t make you popular with your mates. Staying up till all hours in a house that smells like a meth lab isn’t going to help in attracting a partner either. I can see why wizards ended up with apprentices instead of kids.


Well think about it, a wizard hasn’t got time and if they do have time, they probably aren’t going to keep a partner long enough to have kids, are they? Too much inherent danger. Hence, they need apprentices to train up and start the vicious cycle again.

[Interviewer is beginning to look concerned]

So, you were apprenticed? Is that what you’re saying?

Nah I ended up being mostly self-taught.

So how did you end up doing this for a career? [Interviewer is increasingly more uncomfortable]

I helped a witch kill something monstrous when I was at University. After that I ended up heading down this path and here, I am now. A shell of a person, no money, no family, miserable and alone. [Mr Block, visibly shaking with either anger or sorrow, possibly both?]

So, Mr Block, what would you like to get out of this meeting today? How can I help you in refocusing your career? What would you like from me? [She is shuffling papers, a distraction perhaps?]

I want your honest appraisal of what you think I can do?

Ok then, let me just get something from my files, we normally administer a test, but I think something for your eh, skill set might be here.

[Interviewer moves to the filing cabinet and starts ruffling through papers]

Ah ha, this might work for you.

Have you considered this?

[Bright lights flare in the office; nothing is visible for a moment]

[Mr Block remains seated. In his hand is an empty test tube of some kind. The interviewer has transformed to a taller, more slender creature with long hair and skin that looks like very wet mud. It is lying on the ground and twitching.]

[He turns to the camera and smiles]

If you want to be an occultist, don’t. Be a nurse instead, better pay, hours and at least people respect you.

[He stands to leave; agents burst already through the door and have pinned him down]

Bastard! Ruined the whole thing. Murray get that camera off!

[Agent Murray approaches camera and ends the recording]


Offer recruitment, office and housing included. Standard base stipend for six months with normal 15% increments after first year. Standard pension. If rejected remove contents of housing and eliminate.
Additional recommendation: Train all agents on rare book and document handling.

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