Spirit of creativity where did you go?

I’ve been sitting here trying to be creative and it’s just not happening. I know that all writers say you should write no matter what. You should put words down on a page. One word after another.

That’s the problem though isn’t it? When the creative juices aren’t flowing. What do you do?

Normally I’d open a bottle of wine but I’m trying to cut down drinking and to be honest I think that would be a very dark road to go down.

What to do?

I need to write more however I’ve not been having a great time. Probably that’s why the creativity spirit has escaped me.

Bloody hell, even writing this much has taken over an hour. What the hell?

Maybe a holiday is needed. Maybe more reading, more getting out of my routine.

No idea what I need but hopefully something will shift soon and help me to get mt mojo back.

Remain and Resolve

I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. They’re not practical for one. You make fantastic vows about eleven months too late to stop yourself from feeling shitty.

Exercise, eat well, stop smoking, cut down on the booze and coffee. It’s not any kind of rocket science. That’s why I never make those kind of resolutions. It’s pointless.

Recently I was introduced to the idea of “Remain in your Cell”.

I’d never heard it before. I also can’t find the attribution. If you can find it please send it to me.

Anyway, it’s a concept about monastic life. Back when being a monk was a valid job option, they would join an order, then move to another to get a better feeling for god. Of course you don’t get enlightenment there either so you move to another then another.

The concept of remaining in your cell is about standing still, not flitting from concept to concept seeking to commune with divinity. Being at peace in one place and following one way.

One thing about hanging around in the more alternative religion side of things is that this, flitting, is something you see all the time. I’ve even been guilty of doing this too. Christian to Pagan to occultist via a dab of Zen and Shinto.

I’ve been flitting between philosophical concepts and magical systems for years. Never have I ever mastered a single one. In fact lately I’ve been hitting wall and tend to fall back on the old favourites but that I’m not progressing at all.

This coming year is the year for focus and to ease into a groove, to sit still and “remain in my cell”.

After-all how can the gods find you if you keep moving around.

Some site updates

I’ve been tooling around with the website. I’ve changed the themes so that it looks a little easier on the eye. I’ve also retooled the Short Stories page, which looks far neater that I was hoping.

I’ve also updated the contact page to make it easier for you to get in touch. I promise to get back to all communication within 24 hours. I honestly just would like to know more about you folks who seem to wander by and read my stuff. What do you like, don’t like and what would you like to see more/less of on the feed.

I’ll be probably rewriting the about me page but that’s not a priority for the time being. I think more getting more stories up will be the big push this year. I have three more waiting for editing and publication.

Also I’ll be looking into probably expanding into having a subscription feed but that will probably be a wile off.

As always I love feedback so don’t be shy and don’t be a stranger. Here’s to a rather wordy 2019.


Silvery Day

Today is a silvery day. Well its still early after all . The sun is rising and it’s only a few more days to the Solstice. Honestly I can’t bloody wait. I have no idea if its Brexit, the weather or something else but this year feels like its been exceptional is it’s darkness.

It’s distressing and depressing. I know that I’ve been overeating, drinking too much and having energy, well feck that.

The lack of exercise has caused numerous other problems like the recurrence of my back pain, *yay* a lack in creativity *yay* and of course an increase in my anxiety *yay*

When I get like this I can really understand why our ancestors danced and feasted and asked the sun rather nicely to come back. I can also understand why people literally hibernated to conserve energy plus it’s too dark most of the time to do anything.

I have one more story that I’m waiting to edit and post which will probably next week. I still need to get some new ideas to start writing up. See above earlier line about creativity.

Really no point to the post. I should probably get onto Facebook but can’t stand the platform. Maybe I should start to “do” social media but I feel shitty enough as it is right now.

I will need to work on some other things over Christmas and start working on a better business plan other than hope. Hope is great but its not going to pay the bills.

Anyway if you read this please free to comment or drop me a line and I am sure I’ll be seeing you soon.

*all yay’s are sarcasm and should be read ad Boo

Some Marginally Filtered Xennial Rage!

You know what I am fed up with? Being a Millennial. Actually technically I’m a Xennial but it’s much of a muchness.

Constantly I’m under a barrage of “buy this” of “Do that” and of course “FOMO”. People who are even five years older than me constantly saying “oh why don’t you just buy?”

It’s made me bite my tongue and not drop into a furious rage at them, sigh and go, “well we’re working on it”.

Do people not understand how fucking difficult it is to save?! In Edinburgh you need about £25,000 to realistically buy a house that’s inhabitable. Flats have their advantage but I’m too old to be dealing with stair politics or caring about being within stumbling distance from the pub.

I’m not going to lie, pre 2008 I had a damn good time. Mostly it’s a haze since I was probably drunk for most of it.

Post 2008. Well fuck! I was lucky and I kept my job but saw the impact of austerity on friends and loved ones. It was hard. Life went from planning for a future and retirement to living from month to month. Honestly it’s the biggest joke that you earn what would be a reasonable wage but because everything got so expensive that you were perpetually broke.

That’s been me ever since. My salary has decreased but costs are still pretty much the same.

What gets me is that I know I’m lucky being able to rent comfortably and keep pets. However we can’t do all of this and also save.

“Get rid of the pets and get a cheaper flat”

Nope, I love the cats and wouldn’t get rid of them.

As to the flat. I’m sure there’s probably a place cheaper but not as comfortable. Also it’s about quality of life. I do not want to be in my seventies and finally have that four bed house but absolutely no happy memories other than the argument about why we can’t have meat tonight we’re saving for a house. Fuck that shit. Also give me a steak!

In real terms we will probably never be able to buy our own place. I really just want to love someplace where I can paint the walls and put down new flooring. A place where I’m not always slightly worried we’ll be turfed out because the landlord decided to sell. It’s already happened to us before.

So there’s no happy balance but I swear I will end up arrested for shouting and swearing at the next person who suggests that we buy.

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