It keeps building

There seems to be a lot of pressure in the world. Well to be more accurate my little world but the tension does seem to be building outside of my world too. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

I am feeling pressure to perform in my day job to a standard that has never been seen before in unprecedended circumstance. I’m feeling pressure to have a perfectly clean house, perfect exterior to my home and to do all my side-line creativity as well.

Let’s deal with the last first. My creative projects are a podcast, the blog here, editing a friend’s blog and I’m working on a novel. The podcast requires, in a perfect world, about a week or two of research. I was struggling with this before things went into lockdown. I’ve decided to put that all on hold until I’ve got the time, mental space and energy to give it the work it needs. There’s nothing more insulting to a culture than to half-ass your research.

The blog, I think it’s going to get more of a workout. Probably ranting at the world about things rather than stories. I will still take story suggestions from anyone and everyone.

The blog Soft Skills, I’ll continue to do that because I need the practice and the feedback.

Finally, the novel. The mental energy required to keep working on a narrative means that it’s just not happening right now. Since I’m using a typewriter to write it, the physical energy isn’t there either.

As for my home, it’s a tip, it will continue to be a tip until post lockdown when we can get the contractors in to carry out the work required. Then and only then will things start to get back to what I consider to be normal.

Finally, my day job. That’s my priority. I must work and attempt to meet the standards required of me. My job, luckily, can be mostly done from home. This means that I have to work around environmental factors and try to not snap at my other half or the cats. It’s frustrating since the house is a tip as I said.  However, I still need to ensure that I’ve got a job when all of this is over. That means going through the wringer now.

There’s a lot of pressure, there is almost an expectation that we should all have done our day jobs, started a side business, come up with an invention and read or write a stack of books.

I say f**k that!

The world right now is not normal. Everything is not normal! We’re trying to keep our heads together and get on with the job in front of us. This extra pressure is not needed or wanted. If you are feeling the pressure, then take a metaphorical step back. Figure out what is the priority and focus on that. For me, as I said it’s my day job. Everything else is going to be an extra and a nice to do but not necessary.

There’s resources out there to help you cope. If you feel that you need to vent please do, rant at the internet, scream into the pillow. Don’t drink (it doesn’t work) but reach out and try to ease the pressures in a sensible way. Don’t become a pressure cooker and explode hurting those close to you. (I’m very lucky not to be divorced by now)

Remember, it’s ok not to be ok….

Where am I now?

Well it’s been a while folks and I’m still here.

If you listen to my podcast you will know that over the new year things went south for me in a way I wasn’t expecting. This suck as I wanted to be doing more creative work but that made things even worse.

Depression is a multi-tentacled beast from beyond the darkness of space that lives in your mind and feeds on your fears and anxieties. Its also really exhausting. Pair that with so much of the ‘other’ stuff one needs to be doing to just keep on going, naturally something must give. For me it was my creativity. It’s not a happy trade-off but it’s one that I needed to do to keep sane.

I’m also thankful and know I’m lucky. I have access to medication, with thanks to the NHS, without making me bankrupt. I have support in work and a support network who help when I need it. I’ve also got access to the outside green spaces of the countryside. Lately the weather hasn’t been there for it but it’s something I can access. I have never believed the whole “if you go outside, you’ll be less depressed” that’s nonsense. It does mean however you get a bit of exercise and some fresh air. It’s not going to cure anything but it’s not going to kill you either. Well hopefully not anyway.

At the moment I’m working on a Novel. I still haven’t got a title, but the outline is done, and the first chapter is written. I’ve ‘borrowed’ my other half’s old manual typewriter. It’s frustrating as heck to use it but I’ve found it’s also a fantastic way for me to write. I need to think about every word I put down, I need to take my time in order to stop it getting all jammed up. Due to the fact it’s an old machine I also need to feel through the ribbon manually. The main reason I like it is because it takes me away from distractions.

Aside from the Novel and the Podcast, I’m also helping edit a friend’s blog called Soft Skills. Funnily enough it’s a job I enjoy. Mostly due to the fact its easier to critique something you didn’t write yourself. I’m enjoying the process as well and learning. Every day learning.

So that’s all for now. I am looking around for ideas of my next short stories. I will take anything and everything as a suggestion. Within reason!

Adieu for now my friends and I will be back. It’s a promise.

 

An Update

I am writing a novel. It’s really hard. I’m having difficulty of course. Focus is a bitch and it’s an elusive one at that.

Every day will be a challenge. It’s not fun at all but it is rewarding. I am still of course working on short stories. I need to build skills, word court and possibly an audience. Getting some better writing habits would be nice too but can’t have everything.

At the moment I feel like I’m being dragged in so many directions and that I want to do so much. However going back to a previous post I need to be a bit more still and stop chasing so many different pursuits.

The problem is that the world os so interesting. Again back to focus and needing some.

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